It is amazing how often I think about escaping. This thought usually is heightened and really loud at the beginning of each Sunday; mostly because of how much I have to do, to coordinate, all the people with whom I need to talk, the meetings I should not miss, the meetings I need to plan, the papers I need to pass out and the numbers I need to calculate. This is only a portion of the structural problems. There is also the emotional component: the drama. The he said and she said. The evil eyes, smirks and sassy attitudes. The waiting to see who is going to be offended by what, and the deliberating of how it will be resolved. The "sibling rivalry" and the "three's a crowd." The family problems, the health issues, the spiritual uplifts and the spiritual disastors. The days when the laws of the universe shift and the world stops rotating around the sun and starts rotating around that one individual.
I was under the impression that I was working with young women. This was not entirely false, I do work with them, along with their parents and many other leaders. I think I may work better with just the youth. For some reason I think youth are a lot less complicated than adults. I don't know exactly why - but I think I am right. Adults have had a lot more years to complicate things, youth are just learning how to be complicated.......some are better at it than others.
I don't like complicated. I like simple. I like fun and free and loving people just to feel the action of loving and not just to be loved in return. I like immediate forgiveness and thinking about things from all perspectives. I like moments of silence and the kind of stillness that allows a pin dropping to be heard. I like big hugs and true throaty laughter that comes from that place where smiles begin and happiness flows free. I love the faces of my boys and the way they love me no matter what mistakes I make.
These are the things I think of when I want to escape. These things pull me back, out of the muck and remind me of... me.
