ODE/OWED TO MARTHA

So As you all should know by now I am pregnant. And to answer some funny questions about being pregnant like, "how pregnant are you?" I would like to say I am 100% pregnant. I mean either you are or you aren't there is no half way mark with pregnancy. With that said, I would like to say I think I am feeling 100% pregnant as well. With Tyler and Hayden I had what I thought was a hard first trimester, dry heaving, feeling the nausea etc that come with welcoming a parasite into your body.

With this little bugger I have been wiped out, knocked over, hit hard - whatever you would like to say. I have no doubt that I feel 100% pregnant. SO in my complete misery of nausea and vomiting and trying to separate myself from the porcelain bowl I had become all too familiar with I called for back-up in the form of a sister. I called Martha after I had been unable to eat for 3 days, after I felt like I had no more energy left and was going to melt into the blankets of my bed and stay there for good. I called her when Jeff could no longer stay home and take care of me. I did not know how I was going to take care of 2 kids and feel 100% pregnant.

So I called her full of tears, "please come take care of me?" desperate for hope that somehow I could feel a little less puny. She said "Yes!" and there was hope! She came as fast as she could, she made me food, she cleaned my house, she took away many nasty little odors that had crept up in my house during my inability to function. She picked Hayden up from school, went grocery shopping for me, put gas in my car, did my laundry - and I started to feel better. And I needed her less but loved her so much more. I am just so thankful for her because she was there when I couldn't do a thing. I have never felt so horrible and now I am a little better, a little more alive and I feel like it is all OWED to MArtha. I can't thank you enough - you saved my life!

Walking Pneumonia?

Okay so for anyone who didn't know we had quite the, well... horrendous weekend with Hayden. He wound up in the hospital with the pneumonia. Since then I have had a flood of questions pertaining to this.."how did you know something was wrong? How did it happen? What were the signs?" I am here to tell you I am an inept unknowing mother!

I picked up Hayden from school on Friday and he was complaining of being tired - odd but not ER material. So I hugged him, carried him home took his temp - FEVER? YES.. so uh maybe the flu.. administered tylenol, motrin alternating for safety. His fever came down for a little bit on Sat Morning (Fallon's bday - sorry we missed it guys) but spiked back up to 101 around 11:30. Gave tylenol again but with no help his fever went to 104. Now I am getting worried..Why won't it go down? ears don't hurt, eyes don't hurt, throat?..good. Stomach/ well that he says hurts off and on, but could it be a bad flu? Head ache?..Yes but gee he is burning up, who's head wouldn't hurt. So with no answers left..off to the ER we went - to please.. stop the burning!!! By now he is a tired boy, no running around, very mellow! He is making me nervous.

At the ER they give him an adequate dose of a Tylenol/Motrin type substance - Evidently the bottles dosage is under dosed for children so they explained that what I was giving him wouldn't even touch his fever. HEY who knew? I sure didn't! within an hour - I could see my boy come back..a smile here and there and a more talkative Hayden appeared, wondering when we could go home, because he was feeling better.. GEE so was I! I started to breathe better and thought oh this is just fine now - until they Doctor came over requesting chest x-rays, (which I thought was routine) then came back again , with 2 nurses this time, to explain that "NO your son is not going home, he has a mild pneumonia!"

SO blind sided? yes, I had no idea! He coughed a couple times in the morning and during the night but during the day he was 100 percent fine and active as ever! I mean really "Tis the season for coughs and colds!" We were lucky Hayden only had to stay one night and was a true trooper with all the shots and breathing treatments and all that jazz! It was an emotional roller coaster for this mom that has left me really wary of any COUGH that comes out of anyone's mouth. Now if Tyler coughs I almost panic in my head and want to check his temp. I mean he is energetic and running all over but you never know, tommorow it could be the pneumonia!!!

Oh the Birthday Fun!!!

So I made it home Halloween night in time to cook 2 cakes so they would be ready to frost the next morning. Hayden requested an Indiana Jones Cake and Tyler's only request when asked "what kind of cake do you want?" was "GREEN, Mom, GREEN!" So with those two things to go on... I came up with an Indiana Jones cake (The #5 candle goes in the space after the word "is") The Indiana Jones guy and boulder set come off but the other rocks are all edible. It was fun to be artistic with the cake and Hayden just said over and over "THIS is so AWESOME!" Now there is some real praise for a mother! AND with the word green to go on I came up with..well what else..the green cake. Which is green throughout. It is frosted green, decorated with green and when you add a little green food coloring to the mix, turns the cake itself green too. I never knew adults could be swayed so much by the color of a green cake. Hasn't anyone ever read Green Eggs and Ham? I mean really?? I had quite a few wary looks and a few.."wow that looks gross" comments but I guess that is what you get when you make a perfectly yummy tasting green cake! Tyler's #3 candle went right in the middle of the hands. I thought it turned out nicely and did taste delicious too!

All in all I had 2 very happy boys about each of their own special cakes. Hayden was lucky enough to get to go to school on his Birthday. There they present the birthday boys or girls with a birthday crown that displays the 5 that they just turned for all to see. Hayden now thinks that since he is 5 the whole world revolves around him. It used to be "oh did you know that Collin was 5..that is why he can do that." or "Mom did you know SHE is 5!!" NOW it is all about how he is 5 and now he is fast and can go first and is the tallest. It is almost like he gained a super power!! I just wish we could all think like kids do. I am so excited to find out what kind of power I am going to get when I turn 32! It most definitely will be something cool!! I know you are all holding your breath! I promise to let you know! Here is my smiling 5 year old - so happy to be wielding the 5 year old power! Can't you just see it in his smile!!

The actual Birthday went nicely! We had games and a treasure hunt! The kids followed a map all over the park much to the disappointment of Will who so nicely videotaped the whole thing for me - Thanks WILL!! Hayden and Tyler loved following the letters and the map all over to find the key to discover the buried treasure (in the sand at the park) After the kids all dug it up Hayden had to use the key to open the chest and get to the sacks of goodies for all the kids! It really is fun to watch their delight at discovering the treasure and opening it up!! Besides the kid games we had chips, dip, a veggie plate - more chips and more munchies and of course the CAKES! Here are the 2 birthday boys ready to blow out their candles!! Don't you love how Tyler matches his cake. Do you even wonder for a second what his favorite color is?

All in all it was great! HAyden wants another birthday party and can't stop talking about when his next party is and what he wants the next one to be like! I am just glad they are still young enough not to mind that we do ONE BIG party instead of 2 separate small ones. I am hoping we can keep doing that for a long time. It is a whole lot of fun and exhausting all at the same time. Thanks so much to everyone who came to make my boys smile!!! 3 and 5, I still can't believe it!!!

Happy Halloween!!!!

Happy Halloween to all!! Our lives have been crazy full of Pumpkin patch visits, Birthday planning, House sitting, Halloween ward parties, the battle for prop 8 and all that October fun. I am seriously hoping November will take it down a notch! Here are my Little Halloween Treats :)

Hayden wanted to be Bumble bee the transformer and Tyler well he stuck with his costume from last year and was Spiderman. When we went trick or treating he liked to point out all the spiders that he saw everywhere so his costume was really a perfect fit : )

We made it down a couple of streets before both of my boys decided they had had enough and I couldn't have agreed more. Their bags were heavy enough to cause the boys to walk slightly lopsided. I was glad to be able to call it quits. I still had to run home and make their Birthday cakes for the party the next day.

The evening all in all went really well. This halloween we remembered to say Trick or treat when we got to the door, we didn't stop after the first house and decide that that candy needed to be eaten right then (Tyler's last year exp.) and we even remember to say thank you over and over and over again. Hayden was excited enough to actually want to run to the next house, which brought back some of my Halloween memories.

Tyler even engaged in miscellaneous conversation at a few houses saying things like,"how'd you get those dogs here?" and "Look at all your spiders!" etc, He told me as we were walking from a front door "Mommy, we just keep saying Trick or treat again and again and again!!!" He was pretty funny!

Carving out our places

SO the second day didn't go as well as I thought...or did it? Hayden started off the day with a profound "I don't want to go to school today!" To Which I responded with a let's change the subject and hope this isn't really going to happen today comment, "That's nice what do want for breakfast?" Thankfully, school doesn't even start until 11:50. By the time we were supposed to be getting prepped to walk out the door he was off and running. This time all the way to school and right through the door. By Friday he was asking why we couldn't go to school on Saturdays. - So School is a hit.

I have noticed that school has brought on more changes than just a routine shift. Hayden now has become a "school boy!" This when defined by a 4 going on 5 year old means that he can now do just about everything by himself. pour his own cereal, make his own chicken nuggets - "DON'T tell me mom, I can do it - DON't help me mom - I know how" - it is quite amazing that sending your child for 3 hours a day to a building called school can suddenly make him so independent and full of "know how" -Now he wants to go places where I am going to leave him - "so you aren't staying right - I can be here alone?" - ALONE? - meaning in a room full of many other people but definitely without mom and tyler.

With all his new independence, Tyler and I are trying to figure out what to do with ourselves. As much as I want to be the "Hayden for Tyler" I am constantly reminded that I am not. I took him to the park after we dropped Hayden off for his 3rd day of school and Tyler. my park loving boy - just sat in the stroller and said - "I want to go home" I tried some gentle coaxing, "Let's swing! and I will play with you on the slides" - to which Tyler put his head down on the stroller and said,"there are no boys to play with, I want to go home"

I think it may take a while to discover exactly what our schedule will be. It is amazing to me how incorporating school into our lives has had such an affect on my normal - "Whatever, Whenever" look on our day. It sure makes Hayden happy - now if I could just figure out something to make Tyler excited!

First Day of School

First day of school!!!First Day of school!! - this a familiar phrase that I have heard over and over from Nemo! -Hayden was so excited and has been. The day of school orientation he crawled in bed with me in the morning to wake me up and ask me "do you know what today is? - then he informed me that today we were going to school. Just a little excited.

On orientation Day he and MAry ran ahead of us the whole way there.

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They loved checking out the school - seeing their teacher and of course, checking out the playground. Tyler was pretty certain he was going to school too!

All that excitement can change a little on the first day so I was wondering how it would go. We had to be at the school at 8:20, so it was an early morning. Tyler didn't want to have anything to do with waking up. That is why he is still in pjs. Hayden and Mary once again ran all the way there. although Hayden became wary with the large crowd of parents and the crying kids. He decided maybe this wasn't going to be so fun... lucky for me, he only really started to think this way 2 minutes before Mrs. Slegers saw him and helped him right into the classroom.

Just enough time for me to give a quick kiss good-bye, tell him to have fun, and quickly run off to cry around the corner.

I can't believe I just experienced Hayden's 1st Day. In summary it went really well there were no catastrophes, no screaming or clinging on legs and no tears - except for my own while departing and hidden under sunglasses. We had a successful 1st day - Now I am just worried about day 2.

Ahh Summer!

Licking up ice cream cones on hot hot days!! Or getting licked by one? I don't know who won this fight!

Ever since Aunt Martha showed up at our house, Hayden has been showing off all his tricks. I was just lucky to catch him in mid-air.

Our wednesdays are designated park days or beach days. During the summer it leans toward the beach. My boys love to dig in the sand. Hayden loves to catch sand crabs and watch them swim and burrow in the sand.

Riding Bikes is one of our favorite things to do!

Tyler is a beach boy too, but his delights are more often found in luring the birds closer with food and then chasing them down. Oh what fun.

It is so amazing how one simple little ice cream cone can turn into the biggest mess of the century. ALL over the face, the hands, the clothes, the patio, the chairs, the walls, the screen door, the trash can - I can't believe how much destruction can happen on such a small patio. Thanks a lot Uncle Richard : ) !!! SO much devastation for a world full of glee and happiness - Worth it? OH YOU BETCHA! It will happen again, although next time I am going to strip them down - maybe it will save their clothes from the STAINS.

EarthShake!!!

We had an exciting adventure Tuesday when Hayden and Tyler experienced their first "Earthshake."

Around 11:40 they were happily playing all around the living room when the earth started rocking. I quickly gathered my crew and we sat in a doorway. While being bombarded with questions by Hayden - what's happening? what's happening? what's happening? and enduring a Tyler lock around my neck - he was not about to let go - I proceeded to explain exacly what an earth quake was. "The earth shifting below us, the earth moving etc." I explained it in more detail.

Somehow my definition was either vague or just really misinterperted because now Tyler's favorite question to ask is "Is the planet coming again?" I think our catastrophe went from an "earth shaking" to a possible planetary collision? Not certain what is going on in the heads of my little ones.

Either way, we definitely had an experience. We had pictures fall off the bookcases, things fall off the entertainment center and stuff in the kitchen fell down. Mostly it made me rethink what kind of knick knacks I keep in certain places - gotta keep the house "earthshake safe"

Summer Fun

We introduced Hayden And Tyler to the SLIP and SLIDE.

Need I say more?

July Blast

The 4th of July was a fun adventure. We decided it was time, as a family, to escape the daily norms and surroundings and take a trip. Thanks to Jess a couple of July fourths ago we were introduced to the firework show aboard the USS Midway. We decided it would be fun to travel to San Diego and experience the fun all over again.

This time we booked a place to stay nearby in order to avoid the night driving home. We had a wonderful time.

Growing A PART

Growing a part..hmm if you say that really fast , the meaning can get lost. You could mean you are growing an appendage or perhaps a part of your self - or you could mean that something is accumulating distance and not as close as it once was. I think my family is doing one and sometimes both of them.

Sometime in the last 2 months we had a .. well... a family, move in that has added to the head count in my apartment. I have been wanting 3 children for a while but this is not exactly what I had in mind.

Just about the time the sun appears in the sky and the rooster crows I expect to hear the bell ringing on my gate and a knock on my door. (YES HE can bypass the childproof gate) "can I play, Can I come in?" I proceed with the morning ritual of sending my new third child back to his home at 7:40, and again at 8:00, 8:15 and finally when 8:30 arrives and I can't keep my other 2 children from grinning with glee as they see him once again at the gate, I give up and let the child in to wreak havoc on the house. I am growing a Part - A "full grown"3 1/2 year old part.

There are moments when I enjoy having this part in the house to make my children laugh and keep them busy. It is nice to watch him learn to say sorry, say please and thank you or when he learns a new word. My eldest loves him and will make up fun and elaborate games to play when he is over. (I think he is more thrilled with the fact that this new PART does whatever he tells him too - thus becoming the perfect play partner in all his adventures)

There are most certainly moments, Although, sadly, more often then not, I feel like I have grown something akin to a wart in a most irritating spot. I just want to freeze it off and get on with my life.

Let me explain, besides the early morning greetings over and over and over again, My youngest does not get along so well with this new part. They like to yell and shriek and fight. If I send him home to his family, explaining the need for time, I see him 15 minutes later.. once again at the door or just playing on the patio. The part gets hungry just about as much as my kids do and will not hesitate to ask for what he wants - as opposed to what the whole is getting. I have even found him on the counter in the cupboards. He keeps me on my toes.

Since this new growth in our household I have begun to seek refuge in other areas. I go to the park, the in-laws, the store, the library, the beach, the"ANYWHERE I CAN THINK OF" I wake up thinking of excuses not to let him in or places to go so I don't have to have any excuses. Often I call and invite other children over so I can use the "inn is full" excuse.

I have become a busy woman with places to go.

My only hope is that this new Part in our lives will grow bored and we will grow apart!

Escape

It is amazing how often I think about escaping. This thought usually is heightened and really loud at the beginning of each Sunday; mostly because of how much I have to do, to coordinate, all the people with whom I need to talk, the meetings I should not miss, the meetings I need to plan, the papers I need to pass out and the numbers I need to calculate. This is only a portion of the structural problems. There is also the emotional component: the drama. The he said and she said. The evil eyes, smirks and sassy attitudes. The waiting to see who is going to be offended by what, and the deliberating of how it will be resolved. The "sibling rivalry" and the "three's a crowd." The family problems, the health issues, the spiritual uplifts and the spiritual disastors. The days when the laws of the universe shift and the world stops rotating around the sun and starts rotating around that one individual.

I was under the impression that I was working with young women. This was not entirely false, I do work with them, along with their parents and many other leaders. I think I may work better with just the youth. For some reason I think youth are a lot less complicated than adults. I don't know exactly why - but I think I am right. Adults have had a lot more years to complicate things, youth are just learning how to be complicated.......some are better at it than others.

I don't like complicated. I like simple. I like fun and free and loving people just to feel the action of loving and not just to be loved in return. I like immediate forgiveness and thinking about things from all perspectives. I like moments of silence and the kind of stillness that allows a pin dropping to be heard. I like big hugs and true throaty laughter that comes from that place where smiles begin and happiness flows free. I love the faces of my boys and the way they love me no matter what mistakes I make.

These are the things I think of when I want to escape. These things pull me back, out of the muck and remind me of... me.